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Tbh I need to draw Iollan more
I think his hair intimidates me xD
Also just realized Ambryll's prototype looks slightly like Iollan
This is not okay,,,
-Galaxian-
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By "I need to draw Iollan" I mean I need to draw him in general,,, iirc the last time I drew him was when he was created lol
-Galaxian-
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Wait nvm I did draw him once after that, and iirc I failed on depicting his hair
-Galaxian-
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Galaxian's entire character development is "He's so stupid, love him anyways"
-Galaxian-
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Mood
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Some things about Hitan.
-Some of the more drastic effects from stressors take a very long time to occur for him
-> Exceptions exist, e.g. foreign physical contact can result in immediate reaction from him (iirc once he had an anxiety attack in front of Germaine)
-> But specifically for this, during a battle, even while facing Akuma, he seems to not have any reaction; and then later he has a panic attack or something like that
-> He doesn't actually know why this occurs--whether it's natural or something of a fantasy reason related adaptation--but it's beneficial so he doesn't really scrutinize it.
-> He does know that if he didn't have such high resistance to the effects that the demon induces, it likely wouldn't be possible for the effect to happen. That doesn't say anything for its cause though
-Akuma does know about this "phenomenon" (which is what it would call it), which is why it doesn't hurry at all when the two confront each other. Confront does not seem like the right word here but idk
-> I mean, it isn't in much of a hurry for its own reasons in the first place, but it thinks it might be interesting when the angel just breaks down mentally during a battle. Mostly because Akuma knows Hitan would try his hardest for his own mental breakdown to not dictate his decisions
-> Fortunately, the delay in that sort of situation is really long, so Akuma hasn't been able to see it yet
-> Though idk if it's better that Akuma sees it or if they haven't. It could go both ways
-Too much talk about the demon, more...ambivalent stuff about Hitan ig
- Tbh at this point I'm not sure when he developed a crush on Helen. Like, I'm not even sure of the time frame.
-> It wouldn't be so conflicting for me if not for the fact that I'm not really, uh, approving of 15-year-olds being in relationships. And for him, it's kinda implied that by 15, he probably cared for Helen in the romantic sense? I mean, that's kinda how I wrote an earlier excerpt.
-> And it feels like that's probably true, since by the time he was revived, he cared for her in that way. And developing romantic feelings while being dead or right away are both pretty dumb ideas.
-> It's made a bit easier on me when I remember that he's always been mentally older than his physical/chronological age. He still sucks at romance though I see
-Anyways, he has those little conflicting thoughts in those mind that make him think kind of weird things
-> The thing with Hitan, though, is that he's smart, so really, he's not really wrong or irrational while thinking weird things
-> So when I try to convince him otherwise, my arguments suck (:
-Galaxian-
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F/GO's Gao Changgong, being an enemy: You are so eager to behold my true appearance?
Wiley: No, I'm really not
Changgong: Then very well.
Wiley, quaking in his boots: No--
Changgong, starting to take off this mask: Behold this acc--
Wiley, screaming as he runs off the field: NONONONO, I REFUSE TO BE DEBUFFED, NOT TODAY, NOT EVER--
Changgong, in the middle of both taking off his mask and executing his Noble Phantasm, watching Wiley run off:
-Galaxian-
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I've been putting off sketching Ambryll's hairstyle for 2 days
I have no idea what I fear
-Galaxian-
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Manifested my fears into reality
I think they're valid.
-Galaxian-
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My mom called them a "female" beauty (in Chinese xD)
Haha. Ambryll deserves it.Apparently other cisgender people do get offended when they're misgendered lol
-Galaxian-
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Thank the gods that this community is so chill tbh. I'm pretty sure in another one looking at a certain server here hello where I used they/them for Ambryll and then implied that they're cisgender would've sparked controversy of some sort.
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Do I know how pronouns work? No. Will I try not to offend people with their pronouns? Yeah. But will I actually try for my characters? Probably not lol, too much work and stress
-Galaxian-
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We are so close. By "we" I mean "I," and by "so close" I mean kinda close. To finishing archiving the bookmarks, I mean. Lol.
-Galaxian-
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I still have that annoying 3-year-old me who notices the slightest of appearance similarities between my characters (and sometimes my characters and others') and go "OWO Secret siblings?" and I'm like "JFIOSDJFSIOFJO NO"
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Maturity is such an interesting theme for me. It sometimes feels like it's really different for me compared to others, who seem to really want to throw their past selves behind or just don't care that much for those younger selves.
Watching others feels like watching them change while I myself go in loops. It's like...I dunno, how do I describe it? I'm like a planet that only spins on its axis, never around another celestial body. Meanwhile, as I spin, I watch other planets spin around their stars, until their orbit changes and they go orbit around other stars. Meanwhile, I'm still in around the same place, near the same solar systems and same stars.
Does that sound poetic? I'm not sure, but I like that description.
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Y'know that thing with friends where sometimes they think they might hurt you and so they don't point out your flaws (xP)
Raez doesn't do that
Yay
-Galaxian-
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I feel like even in fiction it's harder to be female. Or at least in certain fandoms
If you're kind, they call you a Mary Sue
They somehow like you more if you have things like a penchant for violence and sadism
You gotta be pretty, and apparently in specific ways because I have seen so much criticism over a specific type of cute too
If you slightly repeat a personality trope you're called cliched
Meanwhile people seem to be fine with guys who are kind in general. At least, they don't seem to criticize so much of that from what I've seen. And there seems to be more tolerance for their designs too, excluding the "boring design" critique obviously (where the male protagonist has black hair and a generic face)
Tbh I find it ironic that people more often bash the characters who are more ordinary because that's technically who's supposed to be more relatable
-Galaxian-
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Wiley's complaining that Rai isn't ticklish
Or so he appears
I actually dunno if he's ticklish or not lol it could go both ways
-Galaxian-
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How tall would Shouhei be if he grew up?
Rai actually didn't make fun of him being shorter when they were younger
Tbh Rai expected Shouhei to be the taller one
So essentially he was nice to his brother because of foresight. Neat.
-Galaxian-
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It's weird how accurate thoughts on hypothetical actions can make me edge slowly towards despair,,, for my characters' social lives of course. Specific characters' social lives.
-Galaxian-
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Realizing I can't do my usual "Oh yeah I'll bookmark this to look at it later" thing because I cleared all my bookmarks
Paiinnnn
-Galaxian-
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Also where the heck did my drawing skills go
How could they abandon me when they were practically nonexistent in the first place
Not that I didn't expect this to happen but it's still cruel (:
-Galaxian-
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Lol there are like 4 threads that make me struggle POVing, not to mention there are more I did respond to but I can't remember numbers well
Ahhhhhhh
Also I like how I forget what I want to do lol
-Galaxian-
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I'm trying to figure out how little Kiaane would react if I squished their cheeks
-Galaxian-
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I realized that I can't access my character info archive during the summer
Oh, the pain.
Lol well at least it's not like I'd get work done anyways, I sleep for 75% of the summer
-Galaxian-
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Apparently I like spewing controversial things so here.
The first thing actually isn't that controversial. It's just the fact that I realized that I might have such a negative impression of the idea of 'beauty' because Chinese has a nasty habit of calling someone "the most beautiful in the world." It's never sat well with me lol.
-Galaxian-
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Second thing. My weird opinions, lol. I've realized that my views of bodily...components would actually be correlated to gender dysphoria in some others' views. But I've done a lot of self-reflecting in advance, and I know it's not that. It's actually the fact that I think those bodily components are ugly and unneeded (for me personally, lol). It'd be the same case if I were the opposite gender, I'm pretty sure, on the gender spectrum. But it's not like I really care, either.
Then again, gender for me is weird, because it literally doesn't matter. It doesn't impact how I act or look or anything. I just do what I like. So I feel like my views of gender probably impact how I show it for characters still. It might not be the most horrible thing, but I don't think it's a good thing either.
So essentially the actual reasoning is because other than certain parts of the human appearance (that all people have), I generally think of human anatomy as pretty ugly and not worth considering. Yay? I mean, it's a pretty lazy way of thinking of things, right? So all the easier for me, who's lazy.
It's been this way since I was a toddler lol. When I was a toddler, there was like 0 anatomy difference between any characters (physique differences did exist, but I sucked at drawing even more than the present, so you couldn't tell). Because I hated anatomy of any sex. Lol. I especially hated the chests of women for some reason. I still have a bit of that opinion lol, and it's not really helpful if I want to improve on drawing anatomy for obvious reasons. I mean, I still try to cover anywhere I can, excluding arms, hands, bottom portions of legs, and feet, obviously. But I don't like feet much, either, so,,, yeahhhh. It has nothing to do with conventional thinking that people need to cover more of their body. It just has to do with me liking clothing more than muscles and skin.
Tbh, I should've just kept on drawing stick figures if that was how I wanted to be. I drew good stick figures lol
-Galaxian-
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I keep thinking what would happen if my human characters were in Huyao Xiao Hongniang and made the vow, and tbh it's a weird thought process because I only have like 4 shipped characters lool
-Galaxian-
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Mostly I find it interesting to think what their reincarnated selves would look like
I know what Rai looks like lol
Hitan wouldn't be a human there. Helge isn't shipped in the technical sense so lol
I have absolutely no idea what Anima would look like (she wouldn't be a human there but since I talked about Rai she's a must-mention obviously)
And yeahhhhh
-Galaxian-
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I have no idea what type of spirit Anima and Hitan would be lol. Types, I should say.
I have a better idea for Anima tbh, but I dunno for Hitan. For some reason because he's related to light I keep thinking "piranha spirit" and that's so cursed I can't even say anything else
-Galaxian-