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Headcanon:
The phrase "Carpeted kitchen" is banned because one time Wiley said "Carpeted kitchen" in front of Francis to see Francis' reaction (since Francy is the Ultimate Designer, which isn't just limited to clothing, but also includes rooms/interior decor) and Ultimates from other classes had to come in to help calm Francis down because Francis straight up went ballistic over the idea of a "carpeted kitchen" and tried to strangle Wiley
Francis also has no memory of doing so, and constantly apologizes when the topic of the incident is brought up
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Kaori: "I'm ordering McDonald's, you want anything?"
Francis who accidentally dropped his sketchbook in a puddle earlier: "A happy meal, without the meal though."
Galaxian and Echo: "Can we get ice cream?"
Apollo: "Did you ask Germaine?"
Galaxian: "She said no."
Apollo: "Then why are you asking me?"
Echo: "She's not the boss of you."
Apollo, internally: It's a trap, it's a trap, it's a trap-
Apollo: "Oh, okay. Sure then!"
Apollo: "Today, like all days, we are...?"
The class: "Watching a movie!"
Apollo, nodding: "And why?"
The class: "A dude is tired!"
Apollo, turning the movie on and getting in a sleeping bag: "A dude is tired."
Hitan: *Talks about a character death in literature*
Silence: "Big mood, I wish that was me."
Hitan:
Hitan: "Is everything okay at home-"
Sunny, about Wiley: "I just thought he needed to listen to common sense and reasonable discourse."
Germaine: "Please tell me those aren't the names of your fists-"
Sunny: "My feet. I'm actually more of a kicker."
Malaika: "I just believe you're spiritually a New Yorker."
Wiley: "That's the nicest way to call someone a jerk, I think."
Calix: "I made the perfect learning robot to study the effects of our society on our teens."
Dion, pointing at Adrik who is having a panic attack after learning Rai's talent: "You messed up a perfectly good robot, that's what you did! Look at him, he has anxiety!"
Specter: "I'm gonna need a human skull but I can't have you ask questions. "
Malaika: "As long as you don't ask why or how."
Malaika, pulling out a box of pristine human skulls: "Pick any."
Specter:
Specter, picking one out: "This one will work."
Calix: "I assume you realize that this kind of idiocy will not be tolerated in my classroom!"
Wiley: "Is there a different type of idiocy you would be comfortable with?"
Malika in her study journal: "Update: I may or may not be in a cult."
Malaika: "Update number two: I may or may not be the leader of said cult."
Alma: "Don't make me angry, I'll sing musicals at you!"
Wiley??? Idk, honestly: "Haha! Don't you mean showtunes? You can't sing a WHOLE musical at me!"
Alma: "I know what I said."
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Apollo: Why aren't there adult playgrounds? Like everything's the same, but bigger.
Hitan: There are; theme parks.
Apollo: But you have to pay for those.
Hitan: That's the adult part.
~
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Sunny: 99.9% of the people I know are stupid.
Sollux: I'm the 1%!
Sunny, with a completely deadpan look: You tried to mean 0.1%
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Raez: What if our phobias are just how we died in our past life?
Wiley, screaming from the other room: I KNEW THIS MICROWAVE LOOKED FAMILIAR
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Apollo: Turns out being an adult is just Googling how to do stuff.
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Sunny, entering the room: two months
Galaxian: What's he saying?
Yvonne: just ignore him
Sunny: WILEY. TWO MONTHS????
Sunny: YOU MADE ME WATER FAKE POTTED PLANTS FOR TWO MONTHS????
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Wiley: For someone who's 70% water, you don't look very refreshing
Raez: BURNNNNN
Wiley: Water can't be burned
Raez: ...EVAAAAAAAAAAAAPORRRRRRRATE
~
Wiley: I hate the way you pack my lunch
Raez: Maybe you should pack your own lunch
Wiley: (*packs 34 Oreos*)
Raez: ...maybe I should pack your lunch
~
Wiley: (*winks*)
Silence: (*winks*)
Wiley: (*winks*)
Silence: (*winks*)
Yvonne: what are they doing?
Galaxian: They're communicating
Rai: They're just hungry.
~
Login Instructions: Type your password
Kiaane, typing: "your password"
Login Instructions: your password is incorrect
Kiaane: "incorrect"
Login instructions: Try again
Kiaane: "again"
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Iollan: How dare you. I am an adult. I work hard. I pay bills. You will not disrespect me here. I can’t believe you have the gall to call me childish…
Iollan: Now get out of my pillow fort.
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Wiley: (*evil maniacal laughter*)
Wiley: That was a very funny joke, haha, thank you, Miss. Germaine.
Germaine: ...Okay, then.
~
(Galaxian in a horror movie)
Killer: OPEN THE DOOR
Galaxian: No. Where are your manners?
Killer: ...please?
Galaxian: (*opens the door*) See, how easy was that?
~
(Different HPA characters doing chores*)
Silence: (*breaks broom*) shoot
Yvonne, to herself: okay honestly what can you do right (*goes back to sleep*)
Raez: Wiles, you break anything in my kitchen, you die.
Galaxian: Clean up, clean up, everybody clean up! ^-^
Wiley, since he was only specifically instructed not to break anything: (*creates a bigger mess*)
Sunny: what the frick is this (*gets rid of all Sollux evidence in the room*)
~
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Rai, texting: "I got an A in Chem"
Raez: "WTF, well done!"
Rai:
Rai: "Eas, what do you think "WTF" means?"
Raez: "Well That's Fantastic"
~
Rai: "Wiley, we need to study"
Rai:
Rai: "Wiley?"
Rai: "Wiles, why aren't you answering?"
Wiley: "Sry, dropped my phone and can't find it now, I'll text u when I find it"
~
Raez: "So I heard you failed the math quiz..."
Wiley: "it was inconclusive"
Raez: "What do you mean?"
Wiley: "the test didn't work on me"
Raez: "what??"
Wiley: "I am divergent and cannot be controlled"
Raez: "ok"
~
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Wiley: "u got a letter"
Rai: "Okay"
Wiley: "from the bank, I think"
Rai: "Okay"
Wiley: "tasted important"
~
Wiley: "knock knock"
Raez: "Who's there lol"
Wiley: "Daisy"
Raez: "Daisy who?"
Wiley: "DAISY ME ROLLIN', THEY HATIN'"
Raez: "We can't be seen together anymore."
~
Raez: "Hi"
Wiley: "Hi"
Raez: "Did you eat?"
Wiley: "Did you eat?"
Raez: "Are you copying me?"
Wiley: "Are you copying me?"
Raez: "I love you <333333"
Wiley: "yea i ate already"
~
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Unknown sender: "What's your favorite game? Mine is following you home from school"
Raez: "Uhhhh, who is this???"
Unknown sender: "ur cat's fur is so soft,,, I wonder if it would make a nice warm pair of gloves"
Raez: "Please stop...you're actually creeping me out"
Unknown sender: "Lol this is the great Wiley I. Perrault, i deleted my number from your phone just so i could do this to you"
Raez: "Guess who has to make his own lunch tomorrow"
~
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Wiley: "DUDE!! COME TO MY HOUSE RN!!"
Raez: "Bro, it's 3 am, no freaking way"
Wiley: "but i just found my mom's secret stash of Oreos!!!!!!!"
Raez: "I'll be over in 5 min"
Wiley: "Back door's open"
~
Wiley: "what's the difference between a piano, a tuna, and a tube of glue?"
Raez: "Idk"
Wiley: "you can tuna piano but you can't piano tuna"
Raez: "Haha"
Raez: "What about the glue though?"
Wiley: "I knew you'd get stuck there"
Raez:
Raez: "Oh gods"
~
Wiley: "😡"
Raez: "Ha! Your silly iPhone just sent a blank square box."
Wiley: "😡😡😡😡😡😡😡!RAEZ"
Raez: "Now it sent seven!! I'm assuming you're sending hearts because you love me so much"
Wiley: "🤢😝🐷🐷🐷🔪🔪👺👺👺👺👺👺"
Raez: "Awww! I love you too!"
~
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Headcanon:
HPA!Silence's lip piercing is fake, but their ear piercings are not
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Anima: what does IDK, LY and TTYL mean?
Rai: I don't know, love you, talk to you later.
Anima: ok, I'll ask Raez
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Headcanon:
Alma uploads bootlegs of his own musicals on YouTube
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It's not the best lol, but here
Magazine cover of Sollux #1, I'll do another one later lol
Please end me, my back is in agony
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👀👀👀👀👀
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Sunny: I am the Lorax. I speak for the trees. I speak for the trees for the trees have no tongues.
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Hitan: People always ask me how I manage my class.
Hitan: The truth is, I don't. I have no control over them whatsoever.
Hitan: This morning, Galaxian called my name, and when I showed up to see what was going on, Wiley shot me in the throat with a nerf gun.
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Wiley: It must be so nice to be rich instead of having to develop a personality
Sunny: Oh, shut up.
Wiley: Buy my silence
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Raez, watching Wiley do something incredibly stupid: ...do you take constructive criticism?
Wiley: I only take cash or credit. Checks work too, actually
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Malaika, storming into Wiley's lab: What the heck is wrong with you?
Wiley: Wow, you could at least start with a "Good morning."
Malaika: Good morning, what the heck is wrong with you?
Wiley: I'll bet my reputation on it.
Malaika: Sorry, there's a five pound minimum.
Raez: I can't believe you would do something so stupid.
Wiley: I think we can all believe that I would do something so stupid.
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Wiley, texting: "BRO I FELL OFF A 50 FOOT LADDER TODAY"
Raez: "OH GODS, ARE YOU OKAY????!"
Wiley: "ye luckily i was only on the first step"
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Wiley: Next time a conspiracy theorist tries to tell you "what really happened", present a more outlandish theory and accuse them of covering up the truth.
-
Conspiracy theorist: "The French Revolution never happened."
Wiley: "Pfft, you believe in France?"
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Silence: Music is just wiggly air.
Alma: Don't do this to me today.
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Kaori: Always stay positive! ^_^
Kaori: *trips and falls down the stairs*
Kaori: Wow, I got down those stairs fast!
Allen: Why did you draw a pentagram on the floor?
Malaika: You told me to help you satanize the place.
Allen:
Allen: I said "sanitize".