It's kinda late but that's too bad, I think I should really be tying more actions with like, routine instead of emotion,

That or maybe stop being too hard on myself, usually people work better when they're doing it for fun lol.

Anyways, I said I was tryna write something, so here it is.

In the past few days I have heard some really helpful stuff concerning writing, stuff I don't know why I never picked up. Fundamentals, even. I suppose taking actual writing classes makes you aware of that stuff instead of hopping straight into the deep end.

Anyways, the thing that the instructor said was that: you should be vulnerable, and write things you wanna write about, or something to that effect.

As you may or may not know, and I don't know how my online persona differs from my real life one, I don't really always like that mushy stuff of being vulnerable. I mean, its sorta weird. There are exceptions to this rule dependent on the topic and blah blah blah, what matters here is that I realized that if I wanna write about something, it should come from a problem that I wish to see solved. Not just externally, but internally. Something that will change me.

Man, I read that in a book I own all about storytelling. The first step in it is that you should write something that changes your life. I dunno why I never realized that fully. I guess its hit me in the head enough times. Anyways, I need to write something that'll change my life. It's a very high standard I know, but it is important to write a story that is very important to me.

Maybe what took me some time is that I needed to fully picture what topic to select, and I think I've got it. Though... I guess here it comes now, do you guys want to pull back the curtains and see the inner themes and workings of things? Or do I cut stuff out just for viewing purposes? Nevertheless, next up is me talking about what I wanna talk about/what I want to change about my life

So, for most of my life I've been very frustrated with how lazy I can be. I mean, I let myself lounge when I can, and I work when I work and I don't try to procrastinate, for sure, but whenever it comes to working on my own, working for my own personal fulfilment, I feel like I always need and external spark, someone else to push me, something else a catalyst. The most absurd part is that its MY FULFILLMENT that we are talking about. Not homework, not taxes, my own personal actions that make me feel more whole. Isn't that absurd? Isn't that frustrating? Yeah, it really is. This is one of the main topics I wish to talk about in my story. Why is it so easy for us, or maybe for me, to sit down and do my homework, but when it comes to something that may be worth it in the long run, in comparison, it is once in a blue moon? Why are people so much more prone to rotting on their phones, to in-front-of-face desires, for hedonistic actions and tendencies (and I'm talking about the superficial hedonism stuff, none of that "taking some suffering to feel greater pleasure/happiness later"). Of course, you can answer all these questions in a few paragraphs, but I think for a full internalization, I must write a story on it. Such is a way that will help me understand the topic, no doubt.

I have been frustrated at such things, but I do feel frustration or disapproval to the common apathy and sadism of the world. I had a conversation today talking about how often people just enjoy watching others fall, even if they get nothing positive out of it. Funnily enough, I was reading a chapter about mario kart in video games when I realized this. I can go into deeper details, but it would be a lot of work. Such is something I also wish to tackle. In the story, I supposed I'll find an argument for myself why it is wrong to take joy from such things. To find what is the better alternative, and just as importantly why it is considered to be more important. I suppose it will be a perfect addition for a dystopian sci fi world that is hidden sails. Much of dystopia thrives off corrupted human ideas and such or whatever. Idk about that last part I'm just happing at 1:30 am and I really should go to bed because I need to wake up early.

Sorry its been a disappointment, but I think I've said a decent bit, and I'll continue on my thoughts tomorrow, including more thoughts about character if we are lucky enough.

I also had a random thought if I made amore.. dedicated place for such talks. More than just a thread here, you know? Maybe somewhere more private (we are on the open internet after all)? more professional?

Isn't that like

Depression