working on writing stuff for The World In My Mind and I'm really glad I changed the ending concept for Atlas and Ruin's arc


Warning for topic of suicide and mutilation, as well as possibly slight Spoilers I guess for my personal writings? Idk if I'll ever finish them or not so XD

Originally, Ruin was going to regain his vision, but then his grandfather was going to gouge out his eyes in a fit of anger (the idea was that he would make an excuse that Ruin deserved it/Ruin had became "too secular" and deserved to be punished). After that, Ruin was going to lose hope for the future, spiral, and hang himself. The ending would be Atlas finding Ruin's body, and would have been something with the vibe of sudden grief. Atlas's development would as well been one of losing the will to live/losing his autonomy and succumbing to his fate within The Eye.

The original concept got scrapped because:

1) Didn't fit with the vibe of the other stories within The WIMM thematically. Of course, though, the themes and topics I've been exploring in The WIMM have changed a lot over the years too (especially with how I handle them). But keeping this original concept in the current WIMM would go against the main theme in a very awful way that didn't make sense for the story.

2) Didn't allow for any further exploration of their characters. Although Atlas would have been technically alive, he would have become a pawn with no will of his own. I didn't like that idea, especially with how his character is

3) It felt too much like "Death for the sake of shock value", despite the original concept existing for a plot purpose. However, this plot was also scrapped after reworking Atlas and Alma's characters (especially after solidifying Alma's revenge-genre characterization and what that entails). It just felt needlessly edgy

4) I got really attached to their dynamic. Doting older brother and begrudging younger brother. They're so funny to me, and their interactions are just very endearing. It felt wrong to do that to them

5) defeated the whole purpose of Ruin gaining his eyesight back, as well as it sent a really bad message imo. Especially considering what Ruin's character represents to me. It also defeated the whole point of his character arc. Overall, bad vibes

6) While Ruin's grandfather is canonically abusive, including physically, I felt like he wouldn't have the guts to go through with eye gouging due to Atlas. Had Atlas not been a character, Avram def would gogue out Ruin's eyes. But, alas, Atlas wins again :3


Currently, MAN is my ending concept SO much more different. It's very hopeful and really wraps up their characters a lot better imo, as well as Ruin doesn't get his eyes gouged out XD

It also allows for them to connect to my other characters (cough the Amor Family cough) and they get to interact with the world more together :3

Warning for talk about religion, OCD, anxiety, and religious trauma. And some stuff about Ruin (with a Francis mention)

The hard thing about writing Ruin (and sometimes Francis) is having to confront the fact it's very likely I do have OCD, especially relating to morals, ethics, ect and in the past it was definitely centered heavily on religion

Obviously not as much now religion-wise, as I'm atheist and had time to heal from religious trauma a little, but I think some of my experiences, both past and present, line up a little too well with "compulsions" and obsessive thinking, especially with seeking reassurance or constantly needing to analyze my own actions throughout the day to the point of stressing myself out so much that I get physically sick. As well as the severe, constant guilt relating to such stuff. "scrupulosity" is a way of putting it (the idea of believing that one's thoughts/the act of having the thought is equal to actually doing it, therefore your unwanted/uncontrollable thoughts that are unethical/"sinful" are proof of you being a horrible person)

Even without being religious or spiritual, I still have some compulsions and unwanted/uncontrollable thoughts relating to religion, especially when confronted with triggered memories or having to research Bible for my writings. This is kinda hard because it's like "I genuinely do not believe in any god or higher being, and I have tried to but ended up not believing in anything. And that's okay, because humans are diverse. As well, I find the concept interesting and would like to research different beliefs in an Anthropologist way" but my brain going "YOU HAVE TO. YOU HAVE TO. YOU HAVE TO. OR ELSE. YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE. BELIEVE. BELIEVE. BELIEVE." And ending up with constant dread and guilt lmao.

Writing Ruin really is looking at myself and reflecting while I research and read through the experiences of others with OCD TwT I relate a little too much with others' experiences and sometimes I see things that are word-for-word how I feel and think. It's a little scary tbh, sometimes, because idk how to handle stuff like that completely, even with the knowledge of it existing in me (if that makes sense). Although I saw some good advice with combating intrusive thoughts with "and then there's an elephant", and making the thought seem silly. As well as the idea that "the first thought you have is what you were raised to believe, your reaction/second thought is who you actually are" when it comes to disturbing/upsetting uncontrollable mental imagery and thoughts

Idk. Writing Ruin really is basically writing my younger self sometimes (a lot of the times). And the fear and constant shame of existing

Ruin exploring random things and getting to decide if he likes something or not is very cute to me

That being said, oh my gods would he be SUCH a music nerd. Man spent his entire life studying choir, he would be OBSESSED over Silencio's and Alma's music vinyls

Ruin, hearing symphonic metal for the first time: WHAT IS THIS MELODY-


Also he would enjoy Malice Mizer and Moi dix Mois 100%


OH MY GODS, FRANCIS AND OPHELIA INTRODUCING HIM TO VOCALOID-

I'm imagining Francis and Ophelia trying to help Ruin learn Vocaloid dances. Cuteeeeee

Francis would see the Hatman after One (1) Benny

It's just Francis and denial of alcoholism/addictive behaviors against the world /j

Echowo wrote:

Pros of suddenly having terrible memory flashbacks/mentally reliving trauma: when I write for Ruin's POVs, they're more authentic emotionally

 
It's just his and It's misery against the world