making the player relive everything is just vile absolutely vile

I love Honkai Impact

Actively trying to get people to call me a tomboy, and viscerally loathing the color pink because it's "girly" should've been a big sign. Like I might as well have been waving the trans flag 

I don't usually vent on here, or anywhere really since I like to keep the vibes as nice as possible but my gods is today bad.

so cw: venting, talk of anxiety attacks, also some swearing

The worst part is, I don't even think there was a trigger, like idk shit just started happening? I was fine this morning, woke up, had breakfast, started school, everything was fine and normal then like I started feeling kinda dizzy, a little breathy. Thought it was just dehydration, usually is, so I drank water and usually that works but it didn't. Istg nearly downed an entire bottle of water, but the stupid feeling wasn't going away. It's like this lump in my throat and I felt like I couldn't talk or breath very well. Fucking reminded me of my first panic attack and that was what sorta triggered the rest of it. At least it wasn't as bad as the first one but it lasted longer I guess cause it didn't have anything to latch onto. Like I had an anxiety attack but there was nothing to be anxious about? I kept cycling through different youtube videos and songs do distract myself because no way in hell am I gonna spiral on a fucking wednesday. Somehow managed to finish one assignment. It's still hard to talk right now, feels like that lump is still there in my throat and I know if I cried it out I'll feel better but I can't cry. I cried a bit during it happening but that's more of a frustrated "why tf is this happening, I thought I was getting better" cry. It's stupid because I was doing so well with my mental health and taking care of myself then this pops out of nowhere and now I don't know what it means or why it even happened. I keep trying to find what triggered it but I genuinely cannot remember a single thing that could've made me this upset today. It's just a normal fucking day, why?
I don't know if it's better or worse that I was home alone during the whole thing. Not that mom being home would've been different. I'm quiet enough that she wouldn't've noticed. I feel like she can tell something's wrong because I'm quiet, I did talk to her though, not about this just normal stuff like how was work and school and stuff. Having to force myself to talk did more damage than whatever the fuck happened because it felt too familiar. It's been almost a year since the last time I had to force myself to talk and it feels too fucking similar. I know healing isn't linear but it feels like all the progress I've made just crumpled in front of my eyes, and for what? For fucking what?? I'm just mainly frustrated tbh, a bit scared that I feel like I can't talk but other than that it's just frustration. I know it's not allergies, literally took my allergy meds last night, it's not my mom cause she was at work, it's not school because my grades are fine.

Anyhoo, life's been shit, seasonal depression is shit, anxiety is shit, but that's just the usual I guess. One day it's gonna be less shit and then I'm gonna kick life in the ass. 

GalaxianExplosion wrote:

It's okay to vent on here. Sometimes you won't get as much response because of inactivity and stuff, but everyone here's willing to listen. Also you can't beat me when it comes to finding stuff to whine about. (Not that you're whining; I do that.)
Really sorry to hear what happened today. Some days just aren't our days, y'know? Just make sure not to beat yourself up over it. Getting to the cause is good and all, but don't tie yourself up too much when it comes to that, 'cause sometimes our brains just are...our brains, if that make sense. In any case, please just focus on taking care of yourself the best you can. Schoolwork and productive stuff can be put off a day, so get a good night's sleep and relax when you can. Let us know if we can do anything for you, and I hope you'll feel better soon! 

-Galaxian-

Thank you galaxian! I'm gonna pamper myself today, already had a plateful of my favorite snacks and currently slouching on the bed with my stuffed animals. Somedays are just gonna be **** and it is what it is.
 

I hate airports

I've never been on a plane...but I'm also from the Midwest, and that means "why fly there when you can drive 16 hours"

Good luck catching up! Don't stress too much about it and do the more recent work in conjunction with older assignments so you don't feel like you're constantly playing catch-up :D

-Galaxian-

will I ever shut up about HI3? who knows! not me, and certainly not you.

(do not play HI3 let this thread be a warning to you, DO NOT PLAY HI3 YOU WILL CRY MULTIPLE TIMES EVEN IF IT IS WORTH IT)

finals week, after all the tests I can finally let the scaraxiao brainrot start, just a few more days and im freeee

The way I've seen at least 20+ Hades II tweets on my tl today. Like I get it, I'm the el gee bee tee, please get off my tl before I cry over not being able to play the game

sorry Ive been gone for like an eternity, I was busy trying not to die from covid

Yay yay yay!!! Not dead not dead not dead!!! 😃😃😃

Covid does hit like a truck

Heck yeah! That's great!

I never want to travel again