GGaD » The Idea Fortress 🍭👻🍭 Specter's Homethread,

SpecterTheGreat · May 14, 2020 23:02:03

Me here doing a redesign even though it's likely I won't use it.

Also I put up a drawing of mine as my wikia pfp. Been a while since I've done that.
I'm considering doing the same for boardhost but idk tbh.

SpecterTheGreat · May 14, 2020 23:59:37

I've been looking at pictures of my childhood for the past half-hour and I'm straight out crying :')

There's a bunch of reasons for that. Maybe I'll vent a bit.

SpecterTheGreat · May 15, 2020 00:09:58

I guess the picture that really did it was the one in which I'm just smiling while I played with my friends long ago.
Gosh, I'm the only one who knows all the suffering that was behind that smile. And I wasn't aware of it at the time. Those play sessions were really... torture. I thought it was normal treatment and that I deserved it :/

SpecterTheGreat · May 15, 2020 00:11:24

Also the pictures reminded me of all the times I've been in a wheelchair and unable to walk.
Memories of crushed hopes I'd say, if we're getting a little poetic. I cry whenever I remember all the things I haven't been able toto do thanks to stupid leg injuries.

SpecterTheGreat · May 15, 2020 00:15:06

I mean, it's almost like I'm cursed with bad luck in things I'm good at. Every time I've been in sports and ready to go into a tournament or eligible for a team, I ALWAYS HAPPENED TO HAVE A FREAKING SPRAIN THE WEEK BEFORE.
I MISSED THREE BASKETBALL TOURNAMENTS AND TWO SWIMMING GRADUATION MATCHES. And those times I was so excited to hope to be there.
That's not counting volleyball or soccer.
Anyways I've never had a proper graduation at the sports academies I've been to because of... Those darned sprains.
Also I don't have any ddiplomas or medals. It's my dream to one day earn one.

SpecterTheGreat · May 15, 2020 00:18:56

I'm normally not a person to be jealous (or at least, I wasn't) but when I think about the fact that my brother did get his diploma and a medal for swimming, soccer, and basketball in the same courses and academies I've been to... I just break down inside.

SpecterTheGreat · May 15, 2020 00:20:33

I'm naturally good at team sports (except soccer. I suck at soccer and I fear for my legs.) and sports in general often so it's only natural that I get very excited over participating in them.

SpecterTheGreat · May 15, 2020 00:22:46

Another thing:
Seeing my friends actually learning and progressing in life in things that I would like.

Starting with the fact that I used to be a tall child. But I stopped growing when I was around 10. So I've been stuck at this height for five or six years.
My friends, though, they've all grown a lot.

SpecterTheGreat · May 15, 2020 00:28:12

Low-key panicking now that I remember that the oldest person in my friend group turned 18 last year.
I'm the second youngest one in my group. But I'm also growing old.

SpecterTheGreat · May 15, 2020 00:29:08

I'm missing Tuti now.
Imma call her tomorrow. I wish for a hug from her.

But that's not possible.

SpecterTheGreat · May 15, 2020 00:33:12

It's just that, reminiscing events through pictures makes me incredibly emotional.
Especially if it's about myself.

I'm a self-centered idiota.

SpecterTheGreat · May 15, 2020 00:34:25

Andbsofhhdhsdj @my cough could you please stop

SpecterTheGreat · May 15, 2020 00:35:48

I'm going to be a wimp and ask for feedback on my ggad idea.
Now, whom to ask, that's a hard choice. Hnnngh.

Rn I'm holding back from doing a thread because I know I'm not ready yet.

SpecterTheGreat · May 15, 2020 00:40:14

I'm still crying but I'm laughing uncontrollably now too hehehe

SpecterTheGreat · May 15, 2020 00:41:19

Well I'm uh
Probs gonna sleep. If I can.

My neck is still very much in pain and it hasn't helped me sleep at all.

SpecterTheGreat · May 15, 2020 00:44:38

I know all of this is probably just an unusual amount of stress building up, aided by lack of sleep.
But what can I do if my body keeps on deciding to be alert even while sleeping? I'm normally a heavy sleeper, but lately everything wakes me up. I have the feeling that I have to be wary of something. I know there's nothing, but still...

SpecterTheGreat · May 15, 2020 00:46:07

It didn't help that last night I dreamed a person crept up to my bed and stabbed me .
I'm not mentioning whom that person is. I feel ashamed that my subconscious dares think of them that way.

But anyways I wOke up out of reflex.

SpecterTheGreat · May 15, 2020 00:49:05

Haha I'm sorry to everyone reading this. I've been whining like a big baby lately, haven't I? I should probably have a little more probably from when it comes to vents.

Apologies. I've been a mood. I don't wish to dampen your spirits by making you read my troubles.

SpecterTheGreat · May 15, 2020 00:53:33

I'm ready to try to follow Yvonne's example hahaha
She has a healthy sleeping schedule. She sleeps nine to ten hours per night.

Though she still sleeps through a good part of the day but let's don't mention that.

SpecterTheGreat · May 15, 2020 00:54:48

SpecterTheGreat · May 15, 2020 10:00:03

I'm gonna make the thread later.
I'll regret my decision it the future but I'm gonna do it.

SpecterTheGreat · May 15, 2020 10:53:14

I love Guineung but boi if he kills Orca,,,
I don't care that Orca sides with Knife. He didn't ask to be a villain dkhdfnkd and he also keeps trying to spare Guineung's life. That's happened in every single encounter between them. And panda man continues trying to kill Orca????
No.

SpecterTheGreat · May 15, 2020 10:54:45

Tbh I always thought I wouldn't mind it if Moraebaek died but I'm starting to have second thoughts about that.
I still loathe him as a villain though xD

SpecterTheGreat · May 15, 2020 10:55:51

I find Medusa very pretty and I will be kinda sad if she dies (mostly because Orca is close to her 👀) but also I wouldn't mind much. She's cool, but not someone I want to protect.

SpecterTheGreat · May 15, 2020 11:18:59

I'm a few chapters away from finishing but I don't want to because I fear what may happen.

SpecterTheGreat · May 15, 2020 13:05:52

I posted the thread.

I know I'm just gonna end up reminding myself of why I rarely start thread of my own.
Ah well.

SpecterTheGreat · May 15, 2020 17:16:35

Ughhh I fell asleep during algebra class (guess my body was just tired smh. weak.) and the books were not a good pillow.

SpecterTheGreat · May 15, 2020 17:44:17

Actually I feel a bit sick.

SpecterTheGreat · May 15, 2020 17:45:33

I need to finish writing up those page updates as well =_= I can't seem to concentrate on anything lately.

SpecterTheGreat · May 15, 2020 17:47:25

Yes.
Lately, my mood has been a flop on my bed and "I don't care about anything everything is boring "